Divorce prevents you from moving to a better place to live

pooh.jpg

At least in most cases. This is because most states now make joint child custody the default option in divorce cases unless one parent proves to be unfit, so in most cases nowadays parents receive joint custody.

Joint custody comes with strict requirements: mom and dad must live close to each other so the children can be easily transported to each house, to school, to extra-curricular activities and friends’ homes. Both parents must be able to agree on important parenting decisions concerning schooling, religious upbringing, medical care and discipline. These requirements, associated with joint custody, can put a serious hindrance in the way of people’s careers.

In my own case, I was extremely lucky that my daughter’s father agreed that I could take a new desirable job I was offered, which was located thousands of miles away from him, and that my daughter should stay at my location during regular school days. He genuinely cared, and cares, about what he saw as being in his daughter’s best interest (attending a better school in a safer city, among other things).

But not everyone can reach this kind of agreement. When Jim Mason and Betsy Shanley Coleman divorced, they were friendly at first. They arranged that their two young boys would stay one week with the mom and then one week with the dad. This was easy to do, as both lived close to each other, to the boys’ school and to extracurricular activities.

The problems began when Betsy remarried and had a new baby. When her new husband was moving one-hundred miles North, Betsy needed to move with him. She went to family court to get permission to take her sons with them.

The judge denied her request.

Realizing that this would tie her down for a decade, requiring her to choose between regular contact with her sons or her husband and new baby, Betsy appealed. The reasons for the appeal were that it was unconstitutional to keep her locked in the town where she had lived prior to the divorce.

The father Jim replied that that it could not possibly be in the children’s best interest to become uprooted and move to a place where he could no longer be actively involved in their daily lives.

The supreme court justice sided with Jim.

There are cases where the court will side with the moving parent, basically leaving it up to the parent left behind to move along or cut down drastically on everyday activities with his or her children. But in the majority of cases where both parents have had regular contact with the child, the judge will consider it in the child’s best interest to rule in such a way that he or she can remain in his or her familiar environment.

Because custody rulings tend to favor status quo, having a child may end up keeping you tied down in a small town and a job you deplore for eighteen years, or more. This kind of heavy restriction of freedom of choice implies a quite considerable additional loss of personal autonomy.

In 9 US states, a divorce means you’ll lose half of everything you own

community-vs-equitable-divorce-1

Estimates of divorce rates in America vary, but the reality is a great many marriages reach this unfortunate conclusion, and the aftermath is frequently messy, both emotionally and financially.

When a couple joins as one, their assets typically combine to form a marital estate, and anything they acquire thereafter becomes joint property. Upon divorce, those assets — including real estate, dependent children, income, cars, furniture, stocks, and retirement accounts — get divided between the former spouses.

Depending on the state you reside in, there are two ways your assets could be divided:

1. Community property: Marital assets — and debts incurred by either spouse during the marriage — are divided 50/50. However, separate property (anything held in only one spouse’s name, including property owned before marriage, given as a gift, or inherited) is not taken into account. The states that observe this law are Arizona, California, Idaho, Louisiana, Nevada, New Mexico, Texas, Washington, and Wisconsin. Residents of Alaska can opt-in to a community property agreement.

2. Equitable distribution: Marital assets (not including separate property) are divided by a judge with the goal to put each individual on equal financial footing, taking into account each person’s earning potential or income, financial needs, and personal assets states Business Insider

Divorce affects kids

Family Law Lake Forest

Wouldn’t life be nice if all marriages worked out? Unfortunately, they don’t. Many end in divorce.

That separation affects children. The question is, how much?

The answer: Divorce is almost always stressful for children and can impact kids as young as four.

But divorce impacts every child differently, says Jean Russner, clinical manager at Outpatient Behavior Health at Holland Hospital. The effects depend on the temperament and age of the children and how the parents handle the divorce.

“You want to be careful of boundaries,” Russner said. “Just like you wouldn’t discuss certain things with young children, even teenage children, there are aspects in that marital relationship and the conflict within that marital relationship that don’t need to be known.”

During Russner’s time as a therapist, she has found that kids often feel sad, mad or anxious. They begin to question things. They can feel like one of the parents is leaving them. And they frequently become more defiant, because they feel like they can’t control what’s happening at home.

Sometimes children become clingy, have separation anxiety, and can even have trouble keeping long-term relationships when they grow up.

Russner says it’s important to let your child form their own opinions of the situation and make sure to remind your children that the divorce wasn’t their fault and they they are loved, “that mom and dad are having some issues that we just couldn’t work it out. It was not because you were naughty or bad, and that we know this is going to be rough, and we’re going to do as much as we can to get through this all together.”

 

THE EVIL SPIRIT JUMPED OUT OF ME AND INTO MY EX WIFE

MEXICAN ARTIFACTS CIRCA 2016Trump Cup Ensenda Baja California

JULY 19, 2016.  The evil spirit jumped from me and into my ex wife! said the man to me while we sat side by side drinking beer at a Mexican bar in Ensenada, Baja California.

You see, the man said, I love chicas and I had an evil spirit inside of me.

– I swigged my bottle of Tecate lite, and encouraged him. He knew I was a divorce lawyer. We were safe in this bar: no terroists would blow up this place; the Ensenada cops don’t shoot you if you bribe them with 2 twenty dollar bills; and the cops here don’t get shot.

He told me his story: I loved my wife and I betrayed her time and time again. I knew it was wrong, I knew it was evil, I knew justice was waiting. I did evil.  It was unforgivable.  I demolished her. She demolished me. I apologized.

– I looked up at the list of food on the plaster wall behind the bar, I raised my eyebrows at the bartender, he lifted his head and made eye contact, “Dos tacos de pescado,” I ordered 2 fish tacos. The nice bartender smiled.

The man continued: The moment my ex wife discovered my secret life, the evil spirit of betrayal inside me, leaped out of me, and my ex wife sucked it deep into her soul, she embraced it, nurtured it and used it to demolish me and herself.

– With a flat smile, I nodded that I understand, I have compassion for you.

The evil spirt now inside her, made her furious at me and at herself said the man.  She felt entitled to revenge at all costs. With the help of others, my ex wife put her head down, her butt up, and charged at me like a bull hell bent on stabbing the bullfighter.  I stepped out of the way and in front of our son, but she still pierced my heart, and Bam! into the brick wall behind me.  Our son was safe!  The brick wall fell on everyone watching; hurting many and teaching all.

– I ate my fish tacos, put a cigarette in my mouth, the helpful bartender snapped open his metal lighter, a blue flame sprung up, I smelled kerosene.  He lit up my cig, just like America in the black and white 1950’s, when everyone smoked indoors.

My ex wife wanted it to be over, so did I, but the damage I caused plus the damage she caused, would take years to heal. The same amount of energy used to demolish each other, was required to recover.  Only now, we had no “evil spirit” to energize us.

– I sprinkled salt on the back of my hand, licked it up, sipped my lime-spiked beer and took a puff on my cigarette; I was in heaven. My face lit up and my expression conveyed to the man: Sir, I know your family will recover.

You think my ex wife and I will accept a good spirit to provide energy to rebuild the damage caused by the evil spirt?

I said, “yes the good spirit is inside both of you now and has already began”.

Men’s nutition worsens after divorce

Nutrition

Ending a marriage may lead to a deterioration in men’s diets that could have clinical significance, while women’s diets don’t change significantly, according to a study in Social Science & Medicine.

Previous studies have focused on how marriage affects people’s diet, but less is known about how changes in marital status affect what they eat, the study said. It looked at marriages that ended because of divorce, separation or being widowed.

Researchers assessed the health of participants’ diets by the amount and variety of fruits and vegetables consumed. Reduced consumption of fresh produce has been linked to greater risk for cardiovascular disease and cancer, while diets of limited variety are associated with Type 2 diabetes and some cancers, they said.

Compared with men who stayed married, those whose marriage ended reduced by about 25 percent their daily consumption of fruits and vegetables over the course of the study. Their diets also became less varied. Changes in all the women’s diets weren’t statistically significant.